What Is Systems Theory (and Why It Matters in Therapy)?

If you've ever felt like the same arguments keep showing up in your relationship or like certain roles follow you from one situation to the next, you’ve already experienced the core idea behind systems theory: we’re all part of systems that shape how we think, feel, and relate.

Systems theory in therapy looks at individuals not as isolated units, but as parts of a larger whole. Your family, your relationships, your workplace, and even the social and cultural environments around you all form systems that influence behavior. Sometimes, these systems create patterns that are helpful and supportive. Other times, they reinforce roles that keep people stuck, like always being the fixer, the avoider, or the one who holds it all together.

Here in the Bay, where progressive values often collide with high pressure and chronic burnout, I see a lot of clients navigating systems that look good on paper but feel emotionally draining. They come from families that prioritized achievement over emotional expression, or they’re in tech-driven work environments where productivity is everything and vulnerability is nowhere.

Using a systems lens, therapy becomes less about “fixing” one person and more about understanding the dynamics that keep a system running. This perspective can shift how couples approach conflict, how adult children relate to aging parents, or how someone begins to question roles they’ve been stuck in since childhood.

In couples work, I use systems theory alongside attachment science and practical tools from the Gottman Method. We map the cycle, not just who said what, but how your histories and emotions are co-creating that stuck place.

You don’t have to keep playing out the same roles. With the right support, you can step back, see the system, and choose how you want to move differently in it. Whether you're in Oakland, San Jose, or anywhere across California, systems-informed telehealth therapy can help you make real, sustainable change.